Writing Collections

[shadowsgambit]

In which I put all the little things I write for Fortuna. In the comments, so this post doesn't get bloated.

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Backstory - Self Account (Returns: Dead Man's Switch)

[shadowsgambit]

It's weird, isn't it? Like a switch flipped in your little brain. I'd say the first time I understood there really was a world outside like that...the Night of Rage. I was seven. As far as anyone knew, human. I'm not sure where my parents stood on the matter, really. They liked the "pretty" races enough, the elves and the dwarves. I remember I said that night, to no one in particular, "they were families like us." I think I made them uncomfortable. I'd only been listening, not watching, so I had no way of knowing I'd said that as the camera showed the charred body of an ork. At least, until I looked up from my toy cars. To them, it must have been some kind of omen. I think they thought I knew. But I didn't. I wasn't ready for the changes my body would go through. It was...

...I don't want to talk about it.

You sure you want to hear more? ...Well, all right. It's fair enough with the way I poked my nose into your business.

I spent hours away from home after that, to escape the air of...whatever that was. To escape overhearing them talk about stunted mental growth or "ugly" or...all of that. I was too young to drink, but the owner of a local sports bar, she was an ork that...I like the word 'Awoke'...she Awoke in puberty too, she let me sit and watch the games. That was when I got into gambling. The little betting ring there, just a group of regulars, really, thought it would be funny to challenge a teenage girl with very little money in the first place. I lost. My first gamble, I lost. But then I started to win. I didn't win every time, but I was gaining money, and not just there. I bet on other things and even managed to fake my age and get into a casino. I was...lucky. Just lucky. And I guess I learned strategies too. How much to bet at once, when to quit, things like that. At first, I hid it from my parents. But then I had the idea that...maybe I could win them back if I let the money talk.

It worked. Maybe that's why I'm so hung up on cash. It got my parents over what I looked like. Or...so I thought. I took a much greater gamble that day. I put all my money on the line in the hopes of being accepted. But then the government wouldn't accept me! I couldn't get a SIN like my parents. And on top of all that, we'd moved away from everyone I knew. I used some of my new money to get this jack installed and my first drone. You need mental capabilities to do this thing, and I wanted to prove them wrong there, too. That I could multitask between two different bodies. When they thought I couldn't hear, they called me ugly. So I tried to cultivate a sense of presence and a good voice. Act nice, sound nice.

Well...it wasn't what I thought it would be. Financial stability, when my parents used this new money to go back to school and get better jobs. Certainty. A job of my own - I was going to apply at some place or another. Something entry level. Running delivery drones or something. I thought all this was what I wanted. But the less worries I had outside of me, the less I had to, well, gamble, the worse I got. A deep depression ate a year of my life. That was when I realized I needed this kind of life. I needed my fate to be uncertain, or I was left to something...terrible. And here I am.

Heh...I just talked your ears off, didn't I? Don't worry, friends leave big tips for friends.